life. reality. bullshit.

The tears streaming down my face makes my cuts burn as the salty cried water falls onto then. I did this for you, I did this for me. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore, I rather be non existant. I beg of you, let me sleep forever.

feeling depressed for no reason… im talking to an amazing guy and i feel like im just going to screw this up because i cant handle all the shit going on in my life right now. please, let this one thing work out. i dont want my anxiety interfering with this relationship… please.

My mom told me last night after i got done eating that my theighs look like a sumo wrestlers.. she actually made me go look in the mirror. what she doesnt know is behind this smile, there is an eating disorder following me. i told myself i wouldnt throw up this one week I am home and i didnt so far but her comments are killing me. I want to and need to. I don’t feel comfortable eating anymore. i just wanted to say thank you and sorry for being a failure.

Hey, this is going to seem really weird and really out of the blue but this entry came up on my dashboard and I wanted to respond to you. You don’t know me and I don’t know you but your most recent post tells me that we have been through the same thing.

5 years ago I was sexually assaulted by someone I trusted and thought wouldn’t hurt me. He was 12 years older than me and completely abused his power. I finally went to the police last year and they brought him for questioning. They yelled at him, put him through a polygraph, questioned him for hours, told his boss, and made him sob like a little child. They did this for a few hours. He confessed to what he did, so now the police have it documented. However, even after all that the statute of limitations for my assault had expired, so I would never get a trial or get to accuse him in court. He will never go to jail and he will never be punished by the law.

But I know that he is suffering. He asked me to call him a few days after he was questioned by the police, and as soon as he knew it was me on the other end of the phone he broke down and started sobbing. A full grown man, sobbing into my ear like a child. He told me he had never been so scared in his life and that he would remember the day the police questioned him for the rest of his life. He begged and begged for my forgiveness, but I didn’t give it to him. I hung up the phone and left him to his own thoughts and tears.

I don’t know if this is the result that you will end up with. I don’t know specifically what happened to you or who hurt you. But I can tell you that I never felt more powerful or prouder or myself than when I told the detectives and police officers what happened to me. Even though my case didn’t go to trial, I will never regret telling people what happened. It felt like an enormous burden was lifted off of my shoulders when I told the authorities. Finally, finally, I was taking control of what had happened to me.

I know that telling the police about what happened to you is scary. They might blame you for what happened. But they might recommend a hotline for you to call to talk to someone and they might bring in your attacker and arrest him. You’ll never know until you try. I hope that when you are ready for it, you do try.

I know this is long, and honestly you might not even read the whole thing. Please know that I am always here to talk if you need someone to share your thoughts with. I hope in time you begin to heal and that one day you take back whatever your attacker stole from you. Remember, you are not a victim - you’re a survivor.

a--------a-deactivated20120419 asked: It may not be doing anything right this very minute, but you hold a lot of power by reporting him. Not even legally my love- you hold power emotionally. By reporting him, you are showing him that the power he exerted over you how ever long ago it was, is no longer there. You are showing him that you are breaking free of, or at least fighting, the hell he has attempted to put you through, which I think speaks volumes. <3 I'm always here if you need anything. Keep fighting love!

Anonymous asked: If someone you hated magically turned into a cupcake right before you... Would you eat them or figure out a way to change them back?